Wanted: One Hermit Cave

It’s 5:30 and I’m in my pajamas. I’m not sick, and I’m not particularly sleepy. What I am is…I think…melancholy.

It doesn’t really make sense for me to be feeling down. It’s been a lovely few days, beginning with The Boy’s unexpected visit. Then two peaceful, quiet days at home and perfect autumn weather. Today we attended another of Younger Sister’s university concerts in a beautiful venue with heavenly acoustics. It was one of my favorite types of concerts, combining college choirs and local high school choirs. Seeing young people put their heart into creating beautiful classical music is, to my mind, a score on the side of the angels.

I suppose it’s a combination of small-ish things. Sundays are my toughest work days. Greeting, welcoming, teaching, facilitating, and coordinating for 200+ people (in my area alone – there are another 300+ in the rest of the building, with whom I also interact) on Sunday mornings is an important part of my job, which I love. The problem is, that as a full-blown introvert I come home afterwards completely drained. But after nine years, I’m used to that, so it really is a small-ish thing.

Another small-ish thing is that The Husband invited my sister to the university concert this afternoon. Without going into details, I’ll just say that though, on the surface, her presence was perfectly pleasant, the stress of the emotional undertones could easily send me to my imaginary hermit cave for a week.

And here I am with half me wall wattled. I mean, what'll I do?

And here I am with half me wall wattled. I mean, what’ll I do?

Yet another small-ish thing, on the subject of family, is a recent phone conversation with my dad. He’s a good guy. A doting grandfather. Kind, positive, and generous to a fault. And he and his wife would like to spend time with The Husband, me, and our kids over Thanksgiving weekend. Sounds great, right? Again, without going into details, there are emotional dynamics there I could live without for the rest of my life.

Okay, and there’s one rather large-ish thing I probably definitely should deal with: SAD. It’s seasonal affective disorder season, I have it, and it’s time to break out the happy light. Bleh.

Or, alternately, I could hibernate for the next four or five months.


6 thoughts on “Wanted: One Hermit Cave

  1. I want to like your post, but suffering from a different form of depression, I know it isn’t a simple walk in the park. My you find some sunshine during the rough times.


    • Thanks for your support. I’m hopeful that this year will be better than last winter. Though I have the added burden of missing our oldest and youngest, my husband’s depression is infinitely better this year, and I think that will make a big difference.


      • I just read your other post from today. I swear, I had many years of peri-menopause, and then one day–bam! It’s all over. No more monthly torture. I suppose I was lucky in the hot flash department, but not on the insomnia. I think the only thing that kept my mind off the fact that I was becoming old lady material was the fact that I had a bunch of grief soaking up much of my waking thoughts. The most deflating information I obtain, is every time I Google some symptom, it relates to menopause. *sigh*


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s