If You Give a Husband a Chore.

imageIn this house, here’s the rule: If you want something done very quickly and just adequately, The Wife does it. If you want something done absolutely perfectly no matter how long it might take, The Husband does it. There are pros and cons to each approach.

Yesterday I had plenty of chores on my to-do list, so I asked the Husband if he would please vacuum our bedroom. I hate doing it, and therefore even the “adequately” standard doesn’t apply when I tackle it. Basically I run the attachments around with my eyes closed, with the goal of being in and out of the room in under a minute.

The Husband complains pretty often about the dust bunnies under our bed, so I figured it was time for him to jump in on this particular cleaning task, so it would be done really well. Whereas I would literally give the job that one minute eyes-closed thing, I figured he’d be more thorough – say 15 minutes of really good vacuuming.

He was just getting started when I went off for my classroom volunteer time at noon. He was working away while I ate a little lunch at 1:30. By this time, pretty much everything in the bedroom except for the large furniture was out in the hallway so he’d have better access to those cursed dust bunnies.

I did a few chores after lunch, paid some bills, and took a short nap. Got up and made a dessert for dinner.

He was still at it. Now he wanted help moving the mattress and box springs off the bed so he could vacuum the bed frame. Wow, serious stuff. There would certainly be no allergens left in our bedroom.

With the mattress and box springs off, we saw that the slats underneath were askew; one had even fallen to the floor. Upon inspection, The Husband realized that the headboard had pulled apart. It’s an antique, so this wasn’t a huge shock.

Ensuing conversation:

Him: I’ve got to fix this.
Me: Are you sure? You’ve already spent the whole afternoon on it.
Him: (thoroughly disgusted and incredulous) You want the bed to collapse in the middle of the night?
Me: I don’t think it will. It’s been okay up to now.
Him: (furious) Well, if it does it’s going to be a disaster. I’ve got everything taken apart already.
Me: (making the fatal error of starting to laugh) Yes, you certainly do.
Him: (even more furious) What would you do?!?
Me: (quite truthfully) I’d put the mattress back on and forget about it.

Remainder of conversation censored.

Moral of this story: Housecleaning leads to everyone sleeping on the couch while the wood glue on the bed frame dries for 24 hours.


7 thoughts on “If You Give a Husband a Chore.

  1. Thank you for a great laugh! In our house, my hubby looks away from the clutter – until I go away for a few days. Then I come home to find all sorts of cleaning and projects done. The last time, he went through our son’s ENTIRE wardrobe. Made him try everything on and gave away over half his stuff to charity. Midway through, he sent me a text, “Help. Make me stop! I can’t stop doing projects!” πŸ™‚


  2. Oh my goodness, we are EXACTLY the same here!! While I actually enjoy vacuuming, I still do the whole downstairs in under 5 minutes. My husband, were he to do it, would be just as your husband…moving furniture, using attachments, etc, and it would take him a LONG time to do! But it certainly would be thoroughly done! LOL


  3. haha! I see that you and I truly live in a parallel universe. At our house, it’s the opposite.(Is that the proper way to use that expression?) Anyway, my husband is the good enougher, I’m the tear it all apart until it’s perfect—that’s why I never get anything done. I tear apart and then lose interest—quickly. πŸ˜€


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