Bug horror stories

It’s been warm enough around here to have the windows open – heaven! We even slept with fresh air coming through the open windows last night. And even though it’s only March, we’ve seen our first lacewing in the house already.

That is not my finger, nor the finger of anyone I know personally. I would not care to touch one.

The lacewing I found above the closet door this morning (they always hang out on or near the ceiling, for some reason) reminded me of some unusual bug stories that have become a part of our family history.

Attack of the Cicada Killers

This is what they do.

These fiends only appear every now and then in our yard, thank goodness. They’re about an inch and a half long, with a deadly-looking harpoon sticking out of their butts. One evening when the kids were young enough to put two into the bathtub at a time, I looked up and seven cicada killers were crawling around near the window and careening around the room. I scooped two slippery toddlers out of the bath and slammed the bathroom door behind us in under two seconds. No idea how they got in or why they all chose to invade our bath at the same time.

Invasion of the Termites

It was like this, only thicker.

Another time, again when the kids were still quite young, we were taken completely unawares by the swarming of termites in our finished basement. One entire wall was a solid blanket of brown winged ants. I don’t think “shriek” is quite the right word for the noises we made when we looked up from our play time and were faced with those filthy $@^%$*%!. I know gagging was a major component of the sound effects. Immediate evasive action was taken, followed shortly by an exterminator drilling holes in our cement floor and placing green plastic traps around the perimeter of the house.

Slammed by Slugs

Gross. Just…gross.

Okay, this one is possibly the most unbelievable of our bug adventures. In the rental house The Husband and I enjoyed for three years B.C. (before children), we had a large picture window in the living room with a vent at the baseboard beneath. One day, a day after The Husband had purchased a large package of cassette tapes to support his music-recording addiction, I looked across the living room and saw what I thought was a clear, shiny piece of cellophane left over from the packaging. Bending over to pick up the piece of trash, my hand met a blob of snotty slime. I inspected more closely, while screaming – the piece of cellophane was actually a long trail of slug slime, running from the vent to the front door, all across the wall. No trace of the slug, but it had most definitely been there.

With insect season drawing ever nearer, I’m wondering what close encounters we’ll have with the little buggers this year…

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