•”Nomorerack.” People I’m friends with on FB are all the time “liking” things from this page. I swear it took me a week of seeing this in my feed to figure out that it’s meant to be pronounced “No More Rack.” I still can’t stop my brain from reading it “Nomo-Rerack.” And that’s just ridiculous. Whoever is behind this entity either has a great sense of humor or is really not on the ball.
•That thing on FB where you wish someone a happy birthday, which I actually really enjoy, even though it’s so repetitive and un-original. The part that’s funny (and obnoxious at the same time) is where it gives you the opportunity to buy a gift to send to that person. Our Oldest’s boyfriend has Celiac disease. When I wished him a happy birthday, FB suggested I send him some cookies. Now that’s funny.
•Blog posts that begin with some variation of “Sorry I haven’t posted for so long.” Honestly, unless you have a truly enormous following, there’s no need to apologize because no one really cares that much.
•FB posts that read like tweets. There is a really good reason why I don’t do Twitter. I totally don’t care about every little movement other people make all day long. If you feel the need to post that your children are crawling around under the table in the dining room today (which, after all is a very mundane kid activity), I feel the need to hide all your posts. And I will chuckle to myself with evil glee while I’m clicking “hide posts.”
•Those emails that go to my junk box that are such obvious phishing attempts or money-making scams. I’ve read all the articles about why those bad folks do what they do the way they do it, and it still cracks me up. The pidgin English, the wild promises, the sob stories, the one-liners that look like they’re from someone I know but just have the words “Awesome link!” hoping I’ll click on it. I always imagine some freaky little guy in a dark cubby somewhere, sitting up all night long to compose that crap in the hopes of catching someone. Of course it’s sad that some people are lured into this stuff. But still, it makes me laugh.
And so, to sign off:
I’m sorry I haven’t posted for so long, but I’ve been flying back and forth to care for my decomposing father, the prince of Nigeria. Check out this amazing link for for more information. I have to go to the bathroom now, and I’m sure you wanted to know that. And by the way, happy birthday! You will soon receive a gift from me that will make you tremendously ill.