High Anxiety…

I already knew that I was becoming more introverted with every year. But guess what? I’m discovering that stress and anxiety make the thought of human interaction about as attractive for me as surgery minus the anesthesia.

This week, I’m still reeling from last week’s round of constant illness in our middle daughter AND experiencing paralyzing anxiety in The Husband as he prepares to be off on job training for six weeks. (He’s really looking forward to the training and the work. The preparation to leave may kill us both.)

And in the midst of all this joy, three HUMAN CONTACT TORTURE TECHNIQUES have been thrown at me in one day:
•Dental appointment this afternoon. Should be no big deal, right? Logically it wasn’t a big deal. But having a stranger with surgical gloves WAY UP in my personal space for forty minutes was a big enough deal that this alone would have screwed up my day.
•A reminder mid-morning that I have a meeting tonight at 7:00. I knew about this event at some point – in fact later in the day my iPad gave me a *ding ding!* reminder – but in my mind it was still way in the future. So what that the meeting is with people I truly enjoy and respect – coworkers and former coworkers who I know for a fact would have my back at any time, without me even asking. It still looks like a ruined evening for me because I have to LEAVE THE COMFORT OF MY COCOON.
•And the worst of all, a seemingly innocuous event that has been looming unscheduled for months was foisted on me today: The Husband and I are suddenly scheduled to have dinner with The Boy’s girlfriend’s family Thursday evening. An ENTIRE evening with people who I have met one time, who I know are extremely pleasant. I think I’m going to hurl.

Yeah, I know. It’s all in the attitude. I could look at all this stuff in a positive light:
•Hooray for dental hygiene! And I don’t have to go to the dentist again for six months!
•I get to see awesome people who will make me laugh and make me think. Spending time with them will be healing and restoring! Whoopie!
•I don’t have to cook Thursday night! And I’ll get to know better the family our son spends quite a bit of time with! Yay!

There was a time in my life when I would have gone all Pollyanna and bent over backwards to see everything with those rose-tinted glasses.

Today is not that time.

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19 thoughts on “High Anxiety…

  1. We recently met Sensible Girlfriend’s parents. Funny…she seems more mature than her parents. I feel your pain. You’ll need another vacation without checking the email. Oh! Congratulations to you husband for the new job.

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    • Thanks! The dinner was, of course, just lovely. We really like the girlfriend’s parents a lot. I have to admit, though, that when I excused myself to use their bathroom I lingered just a bit to give myself a break from the “crowd.”

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  2. I am not alone, yipee. This was my response to you post. I often wonder am I really really strange, I don’t long for people’s company, prefer my own and write away to my hearts content. As for dentists, doctors etc no matter how nice they are (and they are really nice people) their visits are a huge stress factor in my life.
    A hermit club sounds really good but could we have it in separate caves?

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    • Separate caves are definitely the way to go. I think my main worry about the increase in hermit-like tenancies recently is that at some point I’ll get lonely and bored with my own company. We’ll see…

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  3. I am, unfortunately, a person who has always struggled with seeing things in a negative light. I constantly have to trick my mind into seeing the positive. It is so tiring being negative all the time and often wish that I could just change… but I am the way I am and I am always glad when I followed through on the obligations that I thought were going to be horrible. 🙂
    I will be thinking of you and I hope that Thursday goes wonderfully!

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    • The stupid thing is I know it will be a nice evening. I just wish I could get over the terrible dread of being with people beyond those who belong in my own nest. Last night’s meeting was awesome – you’d think I could take that experience and apply it to the dinner, but nothing doing.

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  4. I wouldn’t have the energy – or the inclination, tbh – to be 100% peppy 100% of the time. In fact, I think I tend towards the pessimistic, even if there’s humour there. In fact I’m pretty sure that’s exactly where my humour lives otherwise I wouldn’t have the desire to go on.
    I’m sure once you’re in the two latter situations everything will be great and you’ll just get caught in the moment. As for the dentist, well done you. Teeth are a design flaw, but shame on science for not sorting it out (pain free) yet.

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    • Well, you were right about getting into the moment. It was a great meeting, and actually rather energizing. I sure wish I wouldn’t wear myself out with dread every time I have to interact with people.

      LOVE the concept of teeth as a design flaw. I can think of a few other body parts that fit that description, too…

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    • Thank you. I read so many posts from people who work so hard to look at everything in a positive light. I truly admire that, but I just don’t have it in me right now.

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      • I think a lot of those posts are by people who are trying to do this themselves (if that makes sense). I am always trying to look at things positively however the truth is that there are days that I don’t want to move from where I am and where I beat myself up. I guess when I do ‘positive’ posts, it’s like giving myself a push in the direction that I know I should go.
        Just be kind to yourself. The day will come when everything will seem much brighter and more positive. Hugs to you.

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