What happens next?

Well, we did it. We’ve got The Husband on the road for what should be at least six weeks, and we all survived.

We had one last visit together to our farmer’s market, on the way to pick up his rental car. About half an hour ago we said our goodbyes and now he’s on his way to Little Rock.

I say it should be about a six-week absence because I’m having a hard time believing there won’t be some crappy cosmic joke that sends him back home before his training is over, unemployed and having to start over again. It happened twice in the first quarter of the year. I’ve been burned twice now, and I can’t help but expect the same again. But here we are one more time – “Once more into the breach.”

The Husband and I met when I was a freshman in college. Started dating at the end of that year. Since that time the longest we’ve been apart was when I was at a three-week continuing ed. course in Iowa. If living without him for six weeks or more (I hope, perversely) isn’t a paradigm shift, I don’t know what is. I truly don’t know how to react or what to expect.

To be honest, there is a part of me that is incredibly relieved to have him gone for awhile. I think all long-term couples need some time away from each other, but with his long stints of unemployment in the last year, we’ve had WAY too much together time. I fully admit to being impatient and easily annoyed, and I seriously needed a break from my husband’s ADHD, OCD tendencies, and depression/anxiety. Just a few days minus stupid, hyperactivity-induced noises would be heaven. A few days without constant questions/panic about where his personal belongings are. A few days without feeling responsible for someone else getting out of bed at a reasonable hour and having a productive, grown-up day.

At the same time, the closer we got to saying goodbye, the more I appreciated him. The more I enjoyed his presence, his jokes, his generosity and thoughtfulness. The more I wonder what on earth it will be like to try and be a family without him. Thank goodness Middle Sister is here, and The Boy will still be around for a few more weeks.

So here I am with fear and a feeling of impending doom, mixed with relief and extremely cautious hopefulness.

Sigh. I’ll just have to wade through it, one day at a time.

Advertisement