So it turns out the entire world is involved in an evil plot to keep me, a simple suburban mom, awake around the clock.
I know it sounds unlikely, but consider the evidence:
- My house has been surrounded by nasty, mutant dogs that are programmed to begin yipping, woofing, and “HOO HOO-ing” (one of them is a hound) the very moment I turn out my bedroom light.
- My family members have conspired to call and/or text me every night exactly three minutes after I’ve drifted off to sleep. Every night.
- One of my children has suddenly realized that he’ll be returning to college in two weeks. Therefore he must stay out with friends until at least 3:00 am every night of the week. My radar mom ears perk up the second he sticks his key in the front door lock.
My suspicions were confirmed beyond a doubt last night at 12:30 am when an old friend of The Boy and Middle Sister (mentioned previously in this space as the nice kid who shows up, unasked, to do yard work for us out of the kindness of his heart) was discovered to be in on the conspiracy.
The sound of a vehicle stopping in front of our house woke me – I know the sound of The Boy’s Jeep and this was not it. Puzzled but still drowsy, I drifted back off. Minutes later I started hearing a repeated, intermittent sound – something striking a surface on the front of the house. I listened for about five minutes, wide awake and uncomfortably alert. Finally I crept into The Boy’s room, which has a window that overlooks the front yard. I looked out, and in the driveway was their friend’s pickup truck. The next thing I saw was this kid standing under The Boy’s window, waving at me. In my pajamas. At 12:30.
I went back to my bedroom, stumped. No way was I going to the door in my pj’s. Finally I woke Middle Sister to tell her our young friend apparently wanted to talk to her. She jumped out of bed and went downstairs to let him in. I went back to my room and closed the door. But sleep was impossible, as the two of them sat in the living room and talked until at least 3:30. At some point in my sleep-deprived state I texted The Boy to ask him to please come home because the whole situation was just too weird. I needed an ally in the house who wasn’t involved in this bizarre interlude.I think he was flattered that I wanted his support, because he came home right away.
Of course, with the morning light and explanations, the whole thing was not as creepy as it felt in the middle of the night. It turned out that our young friend had just suffered an unpleasant romantic break-up with his long-time girlfriend. He had been texting Middle Sister about it earlier in the evening,
so she knew what was going on. But she turns her phone off at night…so in his half-baked young adult mind, throwing mulch at her window at 12:30 to get her to come down and commiserate with him was the logical thing to do.
The question today is “How long can I stay awake and functioning?” At this point I don’t have an answer. Maybe it will come to me right after I purchase a pair of noise cancelling headphones and a sleep mask.