Eternal Household Truths

A reading from the book of housekeeping, chapter four, verse one:

Thus sayeth the wife:
image     “Lo, do not place your dirty laundry on the floor. Floor clothing is an abomination unto me.
If thou must eat of the ice cream at nine o’clock, then must thou rinse out thy bowl and place it in the machine of dishwashing. Do not leavest thou thy sticky bowl in any place where it might be in my sight.
Piles of paper, receipts, notes, mail, and trash are as gall to me. There shall be retribution.”

And thus sayeth the mother:
“The kitchen of the home which the mother has provided for thee out of the generosity of her soul is small. Do not profane the countertops with thy dirty dishes. If thou hast dirty dishes, put them in the machine of dishwashing. Or put them in the sink, or thy mother shall curse you for at least three minutes.
When thy mother leaves a note for thee to take out the trash because she is leaving town overnight, do not ignore her command. The trash man cometh only once per week, and the trash must go out. If thou forgettest, or if thou chooseth to ignore thy mother’s commands, the stinking of the trash and the fullness of the recycling bin shall be a blotch of sin against thy soul.”

Thus endeth the lesson.


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