…I must apologize to the city of London, as well as all of England.
I’ve just found out that various American football teams will be playing in London in 2015, including our hometown professional team, the Kansas City Chiefs.
I’m so terribly sorry that we are exporting yet another of our repugnant and uncivilized cultural phenomena and unleashing it on a nation for which I have great admiration and respect. I’m still cringing over the fact that the train wreck that is Miley Cyrus has not been contained within our own borders. I mean, possibly it’s someone’s idea of retribution for One Direction, but it simply goes too far. My poor friends across the Atlantic are going to be subjected to our hyper-macho, posturing, cretinous pro football players, all demonstrating their inability to behave in a socially acceptable manner, and no one deserves that.
The reason American football is being foisted on our unsuspecting British friends? The almighty dollar. The National Football League smelled a way to line their pockets even more, and there’s no holding them back.
Here’s a little graphic to give you an idea what kind of temples our universities have created in order to serve the god of football.
And so I say to my friends across the pond: I am sincerely sorry. And be on your guard.