On behalf of the entire United States of America…

…I must apologize to the city of London, as well as all of England.

I’ve just found out that various American football teams will be playing in London in 2015, including our hometown professional team, the Kansas City Chiefs.

I’m so terribly sorry that we are exporting yet another of our repugnant and uncivilized cultural phenomena and unleashing it on a nation for which I have great admiration and respect. I’m still cringing over the fact that the train wreck that is Miley Cyrus has not been contained within our own borders. I mean, possibly it’s someone’s idea of retribution for One Direction, but it simply goes too far.  My poor friends across the Atlantic are going to be subjected to our hyper-macho, posturing, cretinous pro football players, all demonstrating their inability to behave in a socially acceptable manner, and no one deserves that.

The reason American football is being foisted on our unsuspecting British friends? The almighty dollar. The National Football League smelled a way to line their pockets even more, and there’s no holding them back.

Here’s a little graphic to give you an idea what kind of temples our universities have created in order to serve the god of football.


And so I say to my friends across the pond: I am sincerely sorry. And be on your guard.


6 thoughts on “On behalf of the entire United States of America…

      • Yes, I can see the face with the tongue sticking out. Nice try. 🙂
        I really miss being able to enjoy football. I’ve tried watching it again and it just makes me ill. Every time they get slammed around (which, of course, is every few seconds) all I can think is “Well, I’ve just witnessed several life-altering head injuries.” And then I want to smack pretty much every player for being so obnoxious.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Yes, I’m a sick person. 🙂 I will say that over the last few years, the hits bother me–which happen every few seconds. Basketball is a little easier to watch, baseball is nothing but a snooze fest for me.

          Liked by 1 person

  1. Don’t worry, we’re far too obsessed with our own grubby football, with its abhorrent behaviour both on and off the pitch and overinflated salaries and dominance over all other sport (including women’s football, even though our nation’s team have been far more successful than the men’s) and inherent arrogance. I suspect we’ll barely notice.
    Sorry for One Direction however. But, yeah, Miley Cyrus – now that’s unforgivable.


    • Well, yes, I’m sure super-macho sportsmen are the same the world over. Sad. And I’ll see your One Direction and raise you a Lyndsey Lohan, a Britney Spears, and a Josh Groban (okay, Josh Groban isn’t a hot mess, but NO ONE should be subjected to his music).

      Liked by 1 person

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