You have GOT to be kidding me.

I heard a conversation today that seriously made me ask myself what century we’re living in.

It took place between a couple of young moms in a group I facilitate. It started off with a perfectly pleasant and sane comment about funny things their 3-4-year old daughters have said.

“X tells me that she’s going to be eight on her next birthday, and then go to college.”

But it devolved pretty quickly.

“Hahaha. Y points to a house we drive by every day and says that’s the house she’s going to live in one day. She says she’s going to be five and then be a bride. I tell her to aim high. All she needs to do is find a rich man to marry so she can have that nice house.”

“Right! They just need to find a man who will spoil them. Sure, get a degree, but then find that rich husband. That’s what I want – to be spoiled all the time.”


This exchange came after a previous conversation about the heavy college debt they graduated with, and the fact that neither one of them ever used the degrees that got them this debt.


Being a (sadly) very non-confrontational person, I stayed out of it. And so I missed the chance to interject a note of sanity and reasonable thinking into the mix.

Here’s the weird thing: I was a stay-at-home-mom for many years, and it was the best thing I ever did. In my heart of hearts I believe every child should spend its earliest years at home with a loving parent. Working with this stay-at-home mom group at church is very meaningful to me, and I love supporting them in their decision to give up a career and be full-time moms. And yet…and yet…that doesn’t mean we should teach our kids that a girl’s job is to get married and be “spoiled by a rich husband.”

Is it too late to make a New Year’s resolution? Because after this incident and another work-related piece of crap that kept me awake nights last week, I’m thinking it’s time for me to unleash my inner banshee and open up a can of whoop-ass on a bunch of people who are seriously pissing me off.


10 thoughts on “You have GOT to be kidding me.

  1. Whoa, Nellie. Don’t get too worked up by silly-headed women. I’m shaking my head here. I didn’t finish college and had to work. I stayed at home the entire time, but never did I tell my daughter that she needs to marry a rich man. Poor roll models.


  2. Wow. Just… wow. Because I don’t even necessarily see this as a stay-at-home vs. employed mom issue. I see it as people who somehow think it’s desirable for their daughters, or themselves, or anyone to aspire to be “spoiled” — rather than responsible or prudent or at least theoretically self-sufficient. And of course I wonder, do they think that their sons should grow up and get good jobs so they can work their tails off in order to spoil their wives?

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re absolutely right. How can a mom not just assume that her child (daughter or son) will be a brilliant contribution to the world – curing Alzheimers or designing the new tallest building in the world or writing the next Great American Novel? My heart breaks for these little girls.


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