What to do when you’re too sick to care what you do.

Wondering how to occupy your time when you’re too sick to get up and do anything, too tired to think straight, and too congested to sleep? Try these tips for a little pick-me-up:

1. Use the “suggested word” function on your texting program to send cryptic and nonsensical text to friends. They’ll either think it’s hilarious or block your texts. Either way you win! Sample: “No more of the year before that is not the same thing over and over again.” Hours of laughs.

2. Play “Bookworm” on your iPad until you’ve sneezed on the screen so often the display becomes obliterated by spatter patterns.

3. Try out every flavor of cough drop you can find in the house, even the ones that are flecked with bits of fuzz from the bottom of your purse. For a little twist, unwrap them all, throw them in a pile, eat them one by one, and see if you can identify the brand and flavor. While you’re at it, see if you can identify the exact origin of the fuzz on the piece currently in your mouth.

 

4. Regularly announce to no one in particular that you’re probably dying and would they please tidy up the house before the undertaker arrives.

5. Count how many Kleenexes you use in a ten-minute period. Google the price of a box of Kleenex to calculate how many pennies you’re tossing into the trash by the hour. Never mind, that’s way too much math. Just get a pile of pennies and start tossing one into the trash with each snotty Kleenex. Nobody likes pennies, anyway.

6. Eat anything and everything you can find in the kitchen, because stuffing random food into your face is the only thing that makes you feel even vaguely human at this point.

Here’s hoping you remain in the pink glow of health and won’t need to fall back on these fun and exciting activities. But if you do succumb to the scourge of winter ailments you’ll at least have these tips at hand to keep the boredom at bay. Enjoy!