Underneath it all.

Let’s have a little talk about underwear.

I am well aware that there is a million dollar industry out there involving women’s undergarments.

panties

Wait a minute…sporty enough to share? Who’s SHARING their underwear? Gross!

But in my mind (and on my privates), underwear is simply a boring necessity. I mean, nobody but me sees it! And yes, I know I’m revealing a bit more than might technically be necessary about my personal life there. Keep in mind that my husband is out of town six days out of seven.

I rate buying new undergarments right up there with buying a new roof (and I’m not referring to any properties related to keeping heat in or moisture out. Sheesh, why did your mind even go there?) Has to be done, but is absolutely the most boring way possible to spend money.

I had cause to at least slightly reconsider my position today, however. While walking out of the doctor’s office (after a breathing treatment, a bumped-up dosage of my daily steroid inhaler, and a script for an antibiotic), I experienced catastrophic underwear failure. As in my bra mysteriously and of its own free will suddenly came unhooked. Suddenly everything was flappin’ in the wind. And it wasn’t comfortable. Or pretty.

This terribly unpleasant event reminded me of the time I went to church in a dress, minus hose. Hey, it was summer and I had three small children in tow. I summer underweardefy anyone to put on pantyhose under those conditions. I managed to sneak away for a moment for a bathroom break and got the surprise of my life when the waistband on my ancient underwear chose that moment to go to the big elastic graveyard in the sky. I suppose it could have been worse – my panties could have simply dropped off while I was walking down the aisle to communion. It was bad enough, though, in that I had to shove them into my purse, and I spent the remainder of the morning with the breeze blowing through my unprotected nether regions.

Today’s traitorous bra experience – even though the offending article is relatively new and one I like rather well – means a seriously uninteresting trip to a department store for a replacement.

Until the day my undies make me as interesting as this guy:

4090677699_cf801bb642

 

I’d almost rather shell out for a new roof.

 

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10 thoughts on “Underneath it all.

  1. As long as my underwear is functional I always say. Although having to purchase two new bras the other day (why does the elastic in the straps wear out before the cups do???) I chose some pretty looking ones because sometimes I just like to feel pretty. lol

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  2. This is hilarious! Although I quite liked the idea of them shuffling their way to the ground on the way to communion. How funny! I used to teach a mommy and me class. After we did our dance and sat down for a puppet show, I noticed a piece of fabric on the ground that looked suspiciously not like a burp rag or lovey. Leopard print undies. Best I can figure is that it was static cling from laundry. I secreted them away but my make co-worker thought I should make an announcement. I still laugh imagining it. I had to explain to him that no woman was going to claim them, and that it really was best for everyone to just throw them away.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, that is a story for the books. Strangely enough, my niece carried a pair of her mother’s nylon underwear for several years as her lovey. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  3. Ha! Since I hate shopping to start with, undie shopping is one of those don’t buy until I have to as well. Yes, my mom always told me to wear clean underwear in case I was in an accident. You know what? She was right. When I went to the ER years ago, I didn’t know that I was going to be drugged, poked and prodded….in my underwear. My very colorful granny panties because I just picked up my size without giving them much thought.

    Like

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