Tips for surviving the “well woman” exam.

Mine is this morning. I really like my doctor, both as a professional and as a person. But, quite honestly, I’d be thrilled if I never had cause to see her again. At least not in a sterile cubicle while she’s wearing a lab coat. Socially would be okay.

Untitled-design-34Knowing I had this annual misery coming up, I took my usual precautions, which I share now with you, dear reader, for your future use:

  • Do everything you can to look absolutely killer. Good hair and good makeup help you feel human in the midst of indignity.
  • Wear lots of jewelry. That way when you’ve been told to strip to your birthday suit, you can enjoy the sneaky victory of still wearing SOMETHING.
  • Ditto socks, if it’s not a sweltering summer day (as it is here – I had to go with sandals this time).
  • Wear clothes that make you feel awesome, but which are easy to get in and out of. Struggling into Spanx in the exam room: BAD.
  • Plan a treat for yourself later in the day as a reward for doing this necessary but crappy thing. Last year I scheduled my exam for the same day when I was taking off with two of my babies to fly cross-country to visit their sibling. The exam was a mere eye-blink in the joy of that day. Nothing so grand this year, but I am planning a night out to see the movie about Beach Boy Brian Wilson, “Love and Mercy.”

This year’s visit is even more vexing, as I’ve turned the big 5-0, and will inevitably be ordered to schedule my first colonoscopy. All my stubbornness, willfulness, and love of anarchy will come into play on this one.

But I’m having a good hair day and I’m wearing a great new outfit and some super-cool jewelry. Power to the people!


5 thoughts on “Tips for surviving the “well woman” exam.

  1. I had my exam the week before. Ugh. The worst thing was that my doctor asked about my 50 mile colonoscopy and if they said to wait 10 years for the next. I assured her yes–10 years. She thought it would be a good idea to move it up 5 years and have one again next year. Gah! It wasn’t that bad, but I wouldn’t mind waiting a few extra years to do it again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I got the order for the 50-year colonoscopy this week. Am supposedly waiting for the scheduling people to call me. I am seriously considering NOT every picking up that call or calling them back.


      • The worst part is the crap you have to drink before. However, we got a doctor who gave us a cocktail of gatorade, miralax, and dulcolax. None of the horrid tasting stuff I had before. You will never know a thing happened otherwise.


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