How NOT to welcome your oldest home for the first time in six months.

Step-by-step instructions:

  1. Spend the day painting, changing clothes so you can do other things, changing clothes again so you can paint some more, and changing clothes again so you can do other things…thereby making it seem like the world’s longest day by about 3:00 in the afternoon.
  2. Find out at 6:00 pm that her flight, which was originally scheduled to arrrive at 11:00 pm (WAY past your bedtime) has been delayed to 1:00 am. Experience gloom, despair, and agony.
  3. Recall that it was your idea to schedule your son’s surgery for two days previous, with the result that he is now on heavy painkillers and unable to drive (being the family night owl, he’s happy to do middle of the night airport runs – but that would be extremely unadvisable in this case).
  4. Watch a movie to kill time and try to stay awake until time to leave for the airport. Make the stupid mistake of choosing “Footloose,” which is not exactly gripping. Although we were amused to discover, via Google searches as we watched, that some extras in the high school gym shower scene were paid an extra $20 each to appear with naked bums. Twenty bucks to have your bare butt immortalized in film.
  5. Make a run at 9:30 for gas and a Sonic slush for the boy, again in an attempt to kill time and stay awake. Struggle to keep from falling asleep in the driver’s seat while waiting 15 minutes for the slush to be delivered.
  6. Try for an a 90-minute nap before time to head to the airport. Lie awake for half of that time, worrying about whether you’ll be in any state to drive when you get up.
  7. As per his request, wake The Boy so he can go with you. Wonder whether his drug-induced haze will be a problem at the airport.
  8. Arrive at airport 25 minutes early and get a parking spot, thinking you’ll have a little snooze until Oldest texts that she’s landed. Three minutes later, after watching The Boy perform on air drums to one of his favorite Twenty-One Pilots songs, discover that he’s forgotten his water bottle, even though the last thing you said before leaving the house was “Grab your watter bottle” because he must drink constantly due to his tonsil surgery. Sigh heavily as you drag yourself out of the car to go into the terminal.
  9. Walk halfway through the terminal toward your daughter’s gate only to discover that an enormous area is blocked off for for waxing, so you can’t get there from here. Turn around and walk half a mile outside to get to a door that will take you to her gate.
  10. Attempt to avoid profanity, and fight to keep from falling over while sleep walking.
  11. Feign maternal joy when Oldest finally appears at the gate, promising yourself that you’ll enjoy her company tomorrow when in a conscious state.
  12. Miraculously manage to drive home without falling asleep at the wheel.
  13. Fall into bed with an incoherently mumbled “glad you’re home.”

Totally unrrelated subject: Has anyone else found that the WordPress app has been completely non-functional for several days? Maddening.


4 thoughts on “How NOT to welcome your oldest home for the first time in six months.

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