Too many big thoughts.

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If I don’t stop thinking soon, it’s not going to be pretty.

That’s a pretty counterintuitive statement for me. I’m a world-class thinker, though probably the more apt term would be “navel gazer.”

The situation happening in my workplace has taken such a huge place in my thoughts that I’m not sleeping. I’ve talked it over with numerous friends and coworkers, trying to process and figure out what the next steps should be. It’s driving me, in the very erudite words of Senator Lyndsey Graham as he described the state of his Republican party, BAT-SHIT CRAZY.

And that brings us to another topic that’s weighing so heavily on my mind. The state of our nation, and the horrendous state of my local politics. I realize that, in comparison to most of the world’s population, I have an extremely easy life. But a segment of ugly and, to be blunt, evil politics is driving me to despair. I can’t bear the contempt I see everywhere for our neighbors and fellow citizens, who due to a long history of institutional racism and/or marginalization of the poor, need massive help in order to live healthy, productive lives.

In my mind, I’m dealing with a confluence of these two issues. I’ve been slapped in the face recently by the fact that the people who have the most influence in my workplace are so extremely privileged that they have less than no clue how most of the world lives. They say the right words, they even go and “serve” the “poor and needy” in our inner city.  But they’re oblivious. And therefore I think they’re doing more damage than good.

There’s a lot more going on that just that, in my situation at work. So much more that, as I said, I’m not sleeping. It’s becoming clear to me that if I can’t effect change (with the help of some of my totally awesome coworkers), I’m going to have to completely re-evaluate my career life.

It’s also becoming clear to me that if I can’t stop thinking about this stuff I’m going to go quite mad.

My strategy for today: 1) No more reading or listening to political news. I expect withdrawal symptoms to kick in momentarily. 2) Get my ass outside into the warmth and sunshine we’re enjoying today and do enough yardwork that I collapse from healthy exertion.

Wish me luck.

 

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